i just don't know
what am i to think?
i feel ugly
stupid
fat
cheap
easy
and worthless.

what a great list of words.

who's to contradict me?
they can speak their words
spout self righteous statements
lies, really.
but nothing supports their statements
"yeah, you're cute! just not to me.
But to someone else..."

Bull.
if there were someone out there
someone who thought i was cute
i've never met them
they don't exist

why is it that 20 pounds ago i was cute?
why is it that 20 mgs of prozak ago i was happy?
why can't i just be happy?

why the compulsive starvation?
hard exercise
but it never changes how i look.
or the fact that they think i'm cheap
because i'm fat
and can't do any better.

i look at them all and laugh.
a sad, bitter, sardonic laugh.
they don't know
they think they can cheer me with lies.

but i'm not that stupid.

i know better.

i know i'm ugly.
obese
redundant
pissy
unattractive in every way
and left to my own devices

sad, isn't it.

nope. just how the
bleeding, porous world
turns.