Valenciennes to Caen

I don't know what I think
I know even less what I feel
All I am sure of is the fact
That your role is semi real
I thought I learned my lesson
God intended me to learn
But again you waltz into my thoughts
Again I start to yearn
Funny all the different parts
About your own true self
Pull me in and push me out
I'm slightly overwhelmed
Go away, get out, leave not a trace
I'm worse when I'm with you
And yet you make my night light up
Doing things I wouldn't do.
She saw it on my face last time
The joy you bring my heart
But it never can end happily
Why do I let it start?
I love you, yes, and feel you more
Than I'd ever like to stay
But it rumbles round like a poisoned meal
I wish it would go away
These feelings are rather premature
My mom would mock and tease
Then hangs the thing I'm scared to ask

Do you really even... want me?

actuelle

I almost want to feel something
I want to know that it's real.

It was real
But now...


...

hedgehog lover

He once was a part of me
A part of who I was
But now he's more a memory
A background humming buzz
And yet I reach deep in myself
To try and feel again
But his face and name do nothing more
Than tell me he's a man
You know, I changed my life for him
I traded heart and soul
But there he saw a ball and chain
Or at least a repeated role.

de la mission

Je sais...

Je serai toujours triste
Et navrée pour ton choix
Je sais que je suis mieux
Que t'as pensé toi.

the gift freely given

What I would do for a smile

Amid it all
The weighty yolk
Burdens that threaten to break my back
All I need is a smile.

Sneers are worthless Pits of darkness
Vacuums, voids, lacking
But a smile...
That twinkle
The eyes that shift
Upturned lips

What I would do for a smile.

Voila ma motivation
Voila pourquoi je vis.
Voila la joie et la force
Un sourire... ouais.
C'est ca la vrai energie.

Once upon a time
Or maybe twice
or Thrice
Too many to admit
I've chased it away.
The elusive smile
Self centered actions
Thoughts, feelings
They stood before me.
Usually the choice didn't appear
As a choice.
But then
My truest love
The light you give off
The glow of a simple
Adoration
It fades
Shades of hurt
Cover your face
Starting in your eyes
Those sweet, shining eyes
Innocent
Giddy
Alive.
Slowly dying
It's the graduality
The eventuality
Which kills me.
Realizing that the hurt
The betrayal
You trusted me
To love you
And I loved myself more
for an Instant.
An instant is long enough to ache.

What I would do for your smile.

Your smile
Your joy
Your heart
Let me show you
I can love you
Serve you.

Let me earn
your Smile.

Champagne Supernova

And we will
Be best friends forever
We'll have fun together
And no matter the weather
We'll see it through
And we still
Help one another
Learn from each other
Watch out like our mothers
Like good friends do
That's right
That's what you and I will do.

It didn't take too long
to see
That we met before
Cette vie
How fantastic
It has been
To be your favorite
assigned friend.

Luckily it doesn't end here
We'll add more memories that we hold dear
Cause it's not every day
My premortal friends come out to play
So though I leave real soon
Know that when we meet again
I sing
For you

That we will
Be best friends forever
We'll hang out together
And no matter the weather
We'll see it through
And we'll still
Help one another
Learn from each other
Watch out like our mothers
As good friends do
That's right
That's what you and I will do.

I don't go buildin' treehouse clubs
With just any pre-earth child
I know that we were "supah coo'!"
And probably pretty wild
I just hope that you'll never let go
Of the ties that bind our souls
Changing winds have come to stir things up
Who knows what the future holds?

But...


I know...

That we will
Be best friends forever
We'll hang out together
No matter the weather
We'll see it through
And we'll still
Help one another
Learn from each other
Watch out like two mothers
As best friends do.
I know.

That's what you and I will do.

Starshine

I didn't want to come back
Vivid memories still lived
But you said on our first train ride
How you've made yourself commit
Oh Starshine,
What a way to begin.

Working all day loveing people
Fighting inner questionings
Are you good enough to do it?
Of course, Don't be silly!
Oh my Starshine,
What a girl to be!

Yeah you can smile
Through a trial
Walk a mile
In their shoes
Givin' it all,
Your head held tall
No hope to small
For you.

I couldn't seem to stop you
From spreading 'round the sun
You want to save a precious soul
Even if it's just one
Oh Starshine,
You have a heart of gold.

I cried over a nothing
Hiding all my fears and doubts
But you showed me that it's all okay
You swept away my clouds
Oh Starshine,
Your time is not.

Yeah you can smile
Through a trial
Walk a mile
In their shoes
Givin' it all,
Your head held tall
No hope to small
For you.

Remember the love in your heart
Is where all the real changes start
Show them that Christ's perfect love
Is what helps you to be strong enough
To survive
This life...

Yeah you can smile
Through a trial
Walk a mile in their shoes
Your head held tall
Givin' it all all
No hope too small
For you.
Cause, Starshine,

that's just what you do.


--avec amour, ta Regina Spektor