Research methods musings

They burst into
Flaming color
Celebrating death
With life
The flow drifts
Almost to a stop
Neutral
Pushed by momentum
Hibernating for
Survival
This cryogenic path
I feel my heart
Explode
Everything
That could be
Will be
I hope.
Hope springs
Eternal.
Spring is what
I hope for
Eternity
Is my goal
We can reach it
Have it
Receive the gift.
Together
Eternity is ours.
Maybe.
Maybe in the spring
Of my hope
We Will enter in
At the Gate.
Next fall,
The spring of my
Hope,
Plunge deep into
The leaves
Crunchy with their
Last efforts
To love,

With me.

Social Work Policy 2.0 or Hindsight of a Star

Twinkle, twinkle,
Little tear
How I feel
When you are near.
Let me change
Your written end.
Let me show you
I'm you're friend.
Twinkle, twinkle,
Little tear
How I feel
When you are near.

Sparkle, sparkle
Brightened soul
How I see your fate
Unfold
Loving more than
You receive
Letting yourself
just Believe.
Sparkle, sparkle
Brightened soul
How I see your
Fate unfold.

Tell me, tell me,
Dearest friend,
Why you felt
It all should end?
Did you think
Your life fell
flat?
Was the war
Hard to
Combat?
Tell me, tell me,
Dearest friend
Why you felt
It all should end?


So,

Twinkle, twinkle,
falling tears
Help me feel
That you

are near.

Social Work Policy 1.3 (Anticipation of a phone call)

Tell me
A thing or two
About the love
I have for you.
Show me
The way I care
When neither he
Nor she are there.
Give me
Some good advice
On how you'll add me
To your life.
Let me
Begin to be
The person that
I hope to be.

Social Work Policy 1.2

Come away
And show me your
Eyes
Wash your windows
With the salty tears
of Love.
Whisper in the dark
Shout in the Son
Wind may rage
But will not change
What we Are.
Is a crunchy leaf
blown miles away
Any less
a leaf?
A sponge for
Light
Energy
Food.
Soak up the
Vital-men's
Convert to life
Life and hope
Come away
And show me your


eyes.

Social Work Policy 1.1

I work hard
Blood, sweat, tears
Hoping for many years
To come
To love
My dearest heart
We wait to start
But I fear neutral
Will kill me someday.
Some mornings
I wake up alone
Feeling toute seule
Though I know
You are beating along
A solicitous song
But I dance the swing
And you two-step past
And the morning fades
Slowly away.

Eh.
We'll figure it all
out.
I know.
You know.
Let's go!

Primary Ponderings

It’s not always easy

But I’m trying

Trying to look beyond myself

Beyond my eyes

Beyond my hurt

And when I do

I see you standing

No, sitting

Calm, patient, and sure

Sure that it will all work out

I know. I know it will

But

Will we work out?

Silly question

No answer

The right question isn’t will

Or even when

But how.

How will it work out?

I don’t know

But I believe

I have faith

Heaps of faith

Leaps of faith

Leaps of love

And hope.

Love,

Yes, love

My love for Him is greater

Than my love for him.

My trust in Him

Is deeper than my trust

In him.

My faith in Him

His plans, His ways,

His love for me

Is truer than my faith

In him.

Does that diminish him?

No. Not in the least.

It gives him,

Us,

Trust,

Faith,

And hope.

See, the real question

Is not will it work out…

But will I recognize it

When it does?

bastille day reflection

I don’t know

I don’t know what’s going on

Who’s right

Who’s wrong

Or are we both wrong?

Ha. I’ve sung that song

Should I want to be right?

Should I long too be the one

Who handles the controls

Who shows what can be done?

Part of me is disappointed

Part of me is relieved

Part of me is scared to death

That fear, it motivates

Oh yes.

Motivates far better than faith

‘Cause faith is scary.

It requires leaping

Not knowing

Where you’re going

Well, you know what you

Hope.

And desire

But faith

Faith is about trusting

Someone Higher.

I ask myself

Is what He wants

What I want?

Do I trust

What His plan

Has in store?

Yes

In fact,

I trust it more.

More than my fears

Though some are born

From this trust

From this unknown.

But really—

Who’s to say

What I expect is wrong?

Or what I want won’t be

What I get?

No one.

Not a soul.

Unless it contradicts

His bonne parole

It’s all so open

Not closed

Do I feel it?

Oh make love to my heart

And comfort my soul

And give me control

No, not control.

Predictability.

I need predictability.

“The best way to decrease

"Predictability

"Is to react.

"The best way

"To increase predictability

"Is to be

"Proactive.”

So.

Let me be proactive.

And come,

Proact with me

Let’s increase the

Predictability

Of notre vie.

I love Him.

I serve Him.

Want to serve

With me?

I trust Him.

I let Him

Change me.

So.

What’s going on?

Who’s right

And who’s wrong?

Or are we both

In the same song

Swimming along?

What?

What’s going on?

Valenciennes to Caen

I don't know what I think
I know even less what I feel
All I am sure of is the fact
That your role is semi real
I thought I learned my lesson
God intended me to learn
But again you waltz into my thoughts
Again I start to yearn
Funny all the different parts
About your own true self
Pull me in and push me out
I'm slightly overwhelmed
Go away, get out, leave not a trace
I'm worse when I'm with you
And yet you make my night light up
Doing things I wouldn't do.
She saw it on my face last time
The joy you bring my heart
But it never can end happily
Why do I let it start?
I love you, yes, and feel you more
Than I'd ever like to stay
But it rumbles round like a poisoned meal
I wish it would go away
These feelings are rather premature
My mom would mock and tease
Then hangs the thing I'm scared to ask

Do you really even... want me?

actuelle

I almost want to feel something
I want to know that it's real.

It was real
But now...


...

hedgehog lover

He once was a part of me
A part of who I was
But now he's more a memory
A background humming buzz
And yet I reach deep in myself
To try and feel again
But his face and name do nothing more
Than tell me he's a man
You know, I changed my life for him
I traded heart and soul
But there he saw a ball and chain
Or at least a repeated role.

de la mission

Je sais...

Je serai toujours triste
Et navrée pour ton choix
Je sais que je suis mieux
Que t'as pensé toi.

the gift freely given

What I would do for a smile

Amid it all
The weighty yolk
Burdens that threaten to break my back
All I need is a smile.

Sneers are worthless Pits of darkness
Vacuums, voids, lacking
But a smile...
That twinkle
The eyes that shift
Upturned lips

What I would do for a smile.

Voila ma motivation
Voila pourquoi je vis.
Voila la joie et la force
Un sourire... ouais.
C'est ca la vrai energie.

Once upon a time
Or maybe twice
or Thrice
Too many to admit
I've chased it away.
The elusive smile
Self centered actions
Thoughts, feelings
They stood before me.
Usually the choice didn't appear
As a choice.
But then
My truest love
The light you give off
The glow of a simple
Adoration
It fades
Shades of hurt
Cover your face
Starting in your eyes
Those sweet, shining eyes
Innocent
Giddy
Alive.
Slowly dying
It's the graduality
The eventuality
Which kills me.
Realizing that the hurt
The betrayal
You trusted me
To love you
And I loved myself more
for an Instant.
An instant is long enough to ache.

What I would do for your smile.

Your smile
Your joy
Your heart
Let me show you
I can love you
Serve you.

Let me earn
your Smile.

Champagne Supernova

And we will
Be best friends forever
We'll have fun together
And no matter the weather
We'll see it through
And we still
Help one another
Learn from each other
Watch out like our mothers
Like good friends do
That's right
That's what you and I will do.

It didn't take too long
to see
That we met before
Cette vie
How fantastic
It has been
To be your favorite
assigned friend.

Luckily it doesn't end here
We'll add more memories that we hold dear
Cause it's not every day
My premortal friends come out to play
So though I leave real soon
Know that when we meet again
I sing
For you

That we will
Be best friends forever
We'll hang out together
And no matter the weather
We'll see it through
And we'll still
Help one another
Learn from each other
Watch out like our mothers
As good friends do
That's right
That's what you and I will do.

I don't go buildin' treehouse clubs
With just any pre-earth child
I know that we were "supah coo'!"
And probably pretty wild
I just hope that you'll never let go
Of the ties that bind our souls
Changing winds have come to stir things up
Who knows what the future holds?

But...


I know...

That we will
Be best friends forever
We'll hang out together
No matter the weather
We'll see it through
And we'll still
Help one another
Learn from each other
Watch out like two mothers
As best friends do.
I know.

That's what you and I will do.

Starshine

I didn't want to come back
Vivid memories still lived
But you said on our first train ride
How you've made yourself commit
Oh Starshine,
What a way to begin.

Working all day loveing people
Fighting inner questionings
Are you good enough to do it?
Of course, Don't be silly!
Oh my Starshine,
What a girl to be!

Yeah you can smile
Through a trial
Walk a mile
In their shoes
Givin' it all,
Your head held tall
No hope to small
For you.

I couldn't seem to stop you
From spreading 'round the sun
You want to save a precious soul
Even if it's just one
Oh Starshine,
You have a heart of gold.

I cried over a nothing
Hiding all my fears and doubts
But you showed me that it's all okay
You swept away my clouds
Oh Starshine,
Your time is not.

Yeah you can smile
Through a trial
Walk a mile
In their shoes
Givin' it all,
Your head held tall
No hope to small
For you.

Remember the love in your heart
Is where all the real changes start
Show them that Christ's perfect love
Is what helps you to be strong enough
To survive
This life...

Yeah you can smile
Through a trial
Walk a mile in their shoes
Your head held tall
Givin' it all all
No hope too small
For you.
Cause, Starshine,

that's just what you do.


--avec amour, ta Regina Spektor

Marci's Song

It seems to me you live your life
Like tonight might be your last
You put in everything you've got
But the time moves far too fast
It shows in everything you do
The whole heart that you give
It wears me out to watch you go
Oh what a way to live!

It's cause you know
You know how to go on
The journey's not that long
And nothing really could go wrong
So en avant!
Press forward with all your might
All things will be right
You're fighting the good fight
With me in Versailles.

It seems to me that you love the work
Like you feel more blessed than stressed
For all good things must come from God
You don't worry about the rest
Okay so life is not parfaite
And you admit you have your trials
But a moment's all it takes for you
To refind you great smile

It's cause you know
You know how to go on
The journey's not that long
And nothing really could go wrong
So en avant!
Press forward with all your might
All things will be right
You're fighting the good fight
With me in Versailles

Don't be afraid
You're not alone
He qualifies those whom He calls
It's going great
Keep marching on
He promised to not let you fall

It's cause you know
You know how to go on
The journey's not that long
And nothing really could go wrong
So en avant!
Press forward with all your might
All things will be right
You're fighting the good fight
With me

In Versailles.

Post Wingate Remy

I don't know why but your face haunts me.
I can rationalize all my feeling away
Until I see you.
Hear you. And it rushes back
Like a force of unkown strength
Unending life
It fills me and consumes me.
I hate it and love it all at the same time.
If this feeling were calm, quiet,
Even nearly inexistent
I could trust it.
But the intensity
The growth.
The power.
It's so complete in the way
That there is no end.
Hold me closer
So I can push you away
When I'm in the red
I feel fine
But when I commit to giving all
My normal doubts drop in
The ones that are like faith
You can't prove them
You can't disprove them
They exist as long as you play into them
So I stop.
But I fall again
But I hear you.
But I think about a future.
And the sprout
Budding like dandylions
Beautiful
Calm.
Good.
They spread
Expand.
Float across the wind
Creating more doubts
More fears.
So what is the solution?
Do I close my eyes
Grab my faith
And jump?
Or do I dance
This passionate Tango
of love
and fire
And fear.
Until you decide to pick another partner
Or maybe I find a new one.
Less complicated
More present
(Though you are ever present in my mind)
More stable...
Yet my dance will continue
With no matter whom
Until I stop guessing twice
So why not
Just end the dance
With you?